Stroppy Texans

I’d heard all the stories about the golfers that caddies fall out with and end up wishing they’d never met. But I’ve not had a bad experience to date. Well until today that is.
And it was strange because, this morning, Hannah and Peter were recounting a tale about some Texans they had out on the Old yesterday. And it really wasn’t a good one. In fact ex-CID Peter (who doesn’t do fools) I think had reprimanded one in fairly forceful terms. Hannah said as we ventured out that if she hears another Texan accent again she thinks she will do a runner.
Well funny enough we have a group of twelve Texans on the first tee. Peter and Hannah go off front and I am paired up with Chris and three other guys who don’t take caddies. It turns out each four is playing as a team.
All was fine on the first as my group got two good birdies and a par. However things gradually deteriorated over the next few holes. Tensions began to grow between the guys and my Chris began to play decidedly badly. On the sixth he had a very hard chip which he unfortunately hit just over the back of the green, much to his frustration. He asked me to bring over a pitching wedge which I handed to him. He laughed at me in derision saying ‘how am I going to hit it with that?’. I should have stated the obvious that it was a golf club and indeed the one he had asked me for. I ain’t getting paid to get nuances in all this or be a mind reader! I mean if you’d asked for a 60 degree lob wedge you would have got it.
Anyway we got to the par 3 eighth. I gave Chris the yardage of 157 yards to the pin and he comes out with the question ‘does it play long or short?’ I volunteer that it plays long and immediately regretted saying it! (I should have remembered that 157 yards is a 157 yards). And of course he hits it straight over the green and over a fence! And he kind of looks at me like he might kill me. I give this ‘caddie querulous look’ which just hides what I feel, as I am thinking ‘not that long you dumbbell’. Ralph kindly adds that the wind died down as he hit, but I can see Chris is not buying that.
Anyway he finally gets a three foot birdie putt on the fifteenth which is his only opportunity to contribute to the team in the entire round. He asks me the line and I give right lip. He gets over it and slams it an inch outside the right lip, through the break and three feet past the hole. He is upset. He then announces to the others ‘He said it was on the right but I read it as straight!’ There is a deadly embarrassed silence from the other guys as they know that he stormed it. And I reflected that this was one of the reasons that I gave up on primary school teaching.
I heard from our caddiemaster at the half way house that Peter, up front, was having some problems with his Texan chap. And you know what: I was not surprised by that.

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