I am writing my article on the new rules of golf and looking back again at the Lexi Thomson debacle over the marking of a two foot putt and the ensuing 4 shot penalties.

It’s amusing that the new rules permit the repairing of pitchmarks on the green, that video evidence can be used by officials but not as a result of the prompting of Joe Public sitting at home watching TV coverage, as happened in the Lexi case and that you can no longer get a retrospective four shot penalty, as she did. This is exception to rule 6-6d to be exact. The Lexi exception rule as I will call it. It must go down as one of the most wonderful and weird rules in the history of sport.

Ok rules are rules, but if anyone cares to take a closer look at the fascinating furore that arose over the marking of a two foot putt which occasioned this rule they may be hugely enlightened. If Lexi placed her marker behind the ball in line with the hole then my name is Santa Claus and I annually climb down chimneys with incredible ease. I hope you get my drift here. And why was she standing at right angles to the ball-hole line when she marked the putt in the first place? Hmm.

To say I’m monumentally suspicious is a gross and preposterous understatement. This has OJ Simpson barking mad parallels I’m afraid. Ian Carter a respected golf journalist even came out with the defence ‘it was under an inch’. Sorry Ian that is a nonsense comment. We are talking about a two foot putt here. Have you ever played golf? You never nor should you ever mis-mark anywhere near that.

Aside from this and away from these dark corridors of golf, I had a most enjoyable interview for my blue badge guide course and will hear from them mid April. Lovely people and I would very much like to work with them. The quid pro quo I’m not so certain about.

Afterwords I met up with Al Mailer who will no longer be caddying unfortunately. This is a huge loss for the Castle and the St Andrews Caddie Programme. Ditto, John McBride. They are top notch, straightforward guys and two of the best caddies.

Back at the caddying it’s been worryingly and strangely quiet. In fact, it’s been non-existant so far. Let’s hope I get a call soon but please not for April the first!

Bachasson fell at the second in the Gold Cup which hampered its chances of winning somewhat, but Ireland have won the Six Nations. Ollie Schneiderjans is not playing in the Masters so I will replace him in my roll up bet with Tyrrel Hatton. Interesting that Matt Wallace won the Indian Open after I tipped him after the Dunhill. Watch out for this lad. I am going to ask Mr Ladbrokes for a price on him winning a Major within five years, likewise for Ollie. Also on the Ladies Tour, Parnanong Phatlum must be in with a serious shout at the Weetabix this year.

Otherwise as ever, don’t eat yellow snow, keep your head down, swing slowly, eat healthily, smile at random strangers, perform occasional acts of kindness, be silly and crazy at certain times and of course, floss your teeth on a daily basis.

 

 

Well you might not think so looking at the students walking around St Andrews with their skis. But yes, I shall be up at the Castle this Wednesday on a training course with the chief caddie master and my fellows. We are going out on the course for a few holes to brush up on caddie etiquette and the likes.

It’s been a dysmal few weeks and I have been working on my oral presentation for the scottish tour guide interview. A 3 minute presentation on a scottish topic of choice. I have found this extremely difficult as I’m not sure how to pitch it? I have gone for a slightly light hearted and whimsical little ditty which will either cause a shade of amusement or make them question my present mental balance. I’m afraid there is no other way. Let’s face it I’m not a very level headed individual.

We are making headway with the bistrot but it’s costing a ton and I’m very glad I’m not paying for it. We have finally got a builder which is always a good start but I think I’ll be staying well clear, as I’m the proverbial kiss of death to building projects and property per se. Yes, to sell prime properties in the centre of London and Edinburgh is nothing short of insanity. Oh and not forgetting that nice wee pad in Chamonix! Zut alors.

On the upside the St Andrews flat would by all accounts at least break even now, which is hard to believe given the catastrophy we had with two sets of cowboy builders, an architect who couldn’t measure, burst pipes, burst minds and burst wallets. Ok we haven’t got curtains yet but as they say, Rome wasn’t built on a snowy afternoon.

My tips are Blacklion for the Grand National, Bachasson for the Gold Cup, Ireland to win the Six Nations, Trump impeached by June, Theresa May to knockout Laura Kuennsberg (that’s a political bet), Andrew Marr to smile by the Fall and Ollie Schneiderjans to win the Masters and the Open. However that is admittedly a long shot, but he’s got a very nice mum so we’ll leave it in.

Not a bad bet I would say. The kilted caddie will offer 10 to 1 on the roll up. Minimum bet 10k, but afraid I’m not doing no run no bet.