About twenty of us turned out for the annual caddie tournament over the Castle Course last Sunday and we were blessed with a reasonable day. It was great to see all the old faces turn up and play, including a few retired caddies. Rory has now become a doctor in Glasgow and Duncan is undergoing his legal training there. I was in the fun company of Gary and Colin and we had a great game.

I surprised myself by managing to play golf again. After my two year layoff I did manage to get it round the course and my day was highlighted by a marvellous shank on the short par 3 eighth and a drive and a six iron to the par 5 last. So in some ways my game has not changed and kind of reflects my life in going from some level of heights to the dire depths.

For as we all know a shank is a near perfect shot. And of course we all know never to mention it when in golfing company, for unlike the Mulligan, it is sinister and foreboding and basically a bad egg of a word . So I would suggest we change the terminology and etymology a tad and call it an Armitage. That is much easier on the tongue and shouldn’t impel doom.

Anyway Meroe seemingly played a stormer and her team got the overall prize and I somehow got the best individual score and picked up my winnings of ten quid.

This takes my total career earnings to sixty four pounds forty.

I was out on The Old Course last week with Sean from Iowa who is a pro at one of the biggest Municipal courses there. And what a player he turned out to be . He hit the ball like a rocket, and off back tees, navigated the five hundred and sixty eight yard par 5 fifth with a drive and a wedge and then promptly drove on to the four hundred and twelve yard par 4 sixth hole!

More than this he was the most humble and likeable guy. I thought I would ask him a bit about my swing problems and he was totally enlightening. Ok we only talked for about a minute but I assure you it was the most valuable and insightful golf lesson of my life. And I can tell you that I have been to many golf professionals for advice over the years on my suspect technique. In fact I have had more swing changes and swing thoughts than deleted Hillary Clinton emails.

Of course I can’t tell you here what the change has been. That is a deep secret between me and a lovely man from Iowa.

All I can say is that I am now hitting the 17th tee on The Old Course from driving range bay number 6.

Thank you Sean.

 

 

I had a lovely round yesterday with Greg MacGregor from Rochdale who is a golf afficiando, great character and mean player.

Greg is having a few days by himself before some of his mates arrive and is staying at an airbnb pad which was chosen for its proximity to The Dunvegan- a man after my own heart. Not to say that the Dunvegan is a million miles from the most famous golf course in the world. But this man’s obviously got his priorities right.

We got on swimmingly and were soon recounting anecdotes about the world of golf, while Greg played handsomely and we sped through the first nine holes in an hour twenty. Ok we were playing a single but this is the sort of round a caddie dreams of. We are of the conclusion that the chap Beef is going to be the next big thing in the world of golf and the game needs guys like that again. The sort of guy who when asked which way he hits the ball honestly answers ‘depends on which way it goes that week’, and is by the looks of it not a man pounding things out in the gym.

I asked Greg if he’d ever been to Augusta and a very grave expression came over his face. He said that he and a friend in the golf world had been invited down for a look around and a game. However, his first wife did not get the significance of this and put her foot down. I said that that was serious and divorce material and he thought so too.

Anyway, Greg was telling me of how he was sitting outside the Dunvegan one day and recognised this famous baseball player and another chap who were talking to Jack and Sheena, the proprietors. The other chap turns out to be Neil Armstrong. Anyway the story is that they had just been down to the Old Course starter’s hut to try and get on. The gruff starter had seemingly rebuked them. They alerted the gruff starter that this was no ordinary person that wanted to get on and indeed was ‘Neil Armstrong, the man who walked on the moon’. The classic reply was curt and to the point, that yes he may have walked on the moon but he is not going to walk on to The Old Course.

Fabulous local dourness. Made in Scotland, from girders.