An old friend the other day annoyed me. He asked my present handicap which I said was 6.7 and he said ‘very good but you won’t get any lower’. He actually said it twice. Now I wonder why he would say that? Does he have the fantastical secret of future vision? Then tip-top, but please give me more helpful insights than the state of my future golf handicap.

Tell me for example if I will get my membership back at Mortonhall Golf Club after I gave it up a few years back. To be honest I am now slightly anxious after a throw away comment that someone made at their recent invitation silloth competition which I had the pleasure of being invited to. Yes take note, I was actually invited. I think the words were ‘I hear there are a few blackballs in the bag already …’ as he lobbed in a knowing smile.

Hmm that’s a worry, because I did hear that Tam was not allowed back in recently. Seemingly they had a meeting of four past captains to discuss the matter and the unanimous verdict was a big and emphatic No. Lucky I suppose that it was unanimous as that could have been one long debate at a 2.2 draw. I would have paid dearly to have listened into it.

Tam by all accounts went up to Swanston, got chucked out of there for some reason and then proceeded to Liberton where the rumour now is that he is currently suspended for making a fuss over the fact that they turned the TV off after the first half of the Euro 21 Final, as they were closing early for something called Covid.

Tam is no shrinking violet of course and makes his point loud (very) and clear. It’s a shame though that Mortonhall will miss out on such a colourful character. They have indeed retained some more questionable ones.

No one is perfect. Not even moi.

Anyway, time will tell with respect to my future at Mortonhall and indeed my golf handicap. Unless anyone can enlighten me further now of course?

I am not convinced about the Olympic golf stuff to be honest. Yes golf is a sport but these guys have their Olympics every week of the year on the major tours around the world. They do though. I mean every golf championship nowadays is an Olympian feat in presentation, organisation and execution. Why do they want more? Is the winning of a an Olympic medal that important? Surely not.

It just didn’t sit right with me seeing Xander Schauffle all dressed up in a USA tracksuit and beaming on his podium. He was like a little self-conscious schoolboy wearing his uniform on his first day at school. They all looked a bit silly to be honest. It was kind of like, why on earth are you wearing a tracksuit?

But imagine if John Daly or Angel Cabrera had won a medal! It would have just looked too ridiculous for words. Ok I know it’s not going to happen, as John Daly would almost definitely refuse to wear a tracksuit and Angel is in jail.

This brings me to the funny anecdote told by Tom Lewis’s caddie at the Dunhill a few years back. He said that the caddies were all put up in the Olympic village too and of course most like him weren’t overly athletic-looking. So when people asked him which sport he did, he used to reply ‘hurdles’.

Wonderful.

I am having the most intense golf fest at the moment.

It goes like this. On Monday I played the Old Course in a St Andrews Thistle Club match and we finished tied after eighteen. It was getting dark so rather than play on down the nineteenth we decided to make use of Peter’s already booked tee-time on the Old on Wednesday and have a re-match. On Tuesday, Peter and I piled down to Edinburgh to partake in the Seniors Gents Greensomes competition at the dream that is Mortonhall Golf Club. Thursday, I have the Thistle Autumn Meeting on the Old, on Friday a St Andrews Club foursomes match on the Old and on Saturday I head down again to Mortonhall for their Invitation Silloth comp. Sunday is a day of rest and then next Monday I’m once again back on the Old Course for a St Andrews Club Seniors tie!

Now that’s what I call golf value for money. Yes, we are rather spoilt over here in the Kingdom and in the fortunate position as St Andrews Golf Club members to be able to guarantee Old Course tee-times for certain competitions. And that’s pretty cool for a club membership fee of one hundred and fifty quid a year. All pretty perfect.

Unlike my golf game though!

I had a rather Jean Van der Velde moment in the Mortonhall Greensomes. We played steadily all the way round until my final shot to the last green. I had a straightforward 8 iron to set up a par for a net 69 and second place. Of course, to my usual form I knocked it into the bushes right of the green. Peter followed suit and we walked off with a no-return and long faces.

A tough school golf.

Like any sport of course. I watched the penalty shoot-out in the final of the Olympic Women’s football in Tokyo, where it came down to the veteran Swedish captain having an opportunity with one spot kick to win the gold medal. Yes one spot kick after a lifetime of kicking balls. She walked up calmly, stood as the world watched, sent the keeper the wrong way and then ballooned the ball over the bar and the open net!

A career ended and distinguished by one short defining moment. At the pinnacle and eventide of a long and illustrious football life.

What a legacy and utter shame for the poor lass. Nerves can play havoc.

I can at least head back to the Senior Greensomes Competition at Mortonhall next year.

Well, I hope I can.