I see the Queen has missed me out on the old peerage list again. Bit of a poor show, as I was well up to becoming a crossbencher (in fact a very cross one), and sit next to some of my old chums from the City and bygone days. I was quite fancying a weekly jaunt down to London and getting out to a few old haunts too, not to mention my daily allowance and travel expenses.
It’s about time they had a few caddies in the House, just like they should be getting a few into the R&A. I don’t see why not? In fact I will gladly be the first to be ‘put up’. I figure I could make a bit of a splash there, especially after a long lunch and a couple bottles of that lovely house claret. In fact, I must say, I would like to investigate that en primeur wine list in more detail. Full and immediate membership status would be the answer.
Imagine what a symbolic act it would be though? If they were to weigh up having me against say Mr Trump? Now that would be an interesting vote if it came to it. I wonder if Trump would try a ‘Russian job’ on it? and have a free invite for all R&A members out to Mar-a-Lago for a bit of a knees up. You know first class flights, nice food and accommodation, some two ball foursomes, large G&T’s (with Fever Tree tonic) and a bit of that fervent backslapping going on.
I may be well up against it in that situation, as all I can offer would be a wee walk across to the St Andrews Club for a Penman’s pie and mash, few pints of Belhaven, game of snooker and possibly dominoes if they are out. This is in no way to underestimate a Penman’s pie by the way!
But yeh. I reckon I would have about as much chance as I now have. Nevertheless, I do have a wee article coming out which may cause the powers to be, to consider my position more closely. But we will see? I’m sure Old Tom would very much like my idea and be most sympathetic indeed. In fact, I’m pretty sure he would have no problem with me getting to kiss the captain’s balls whatsoever? In fact, like I would. Indeed give me a few glasses of claret and I’ll do most things.
Maybe they could start by ‘putting up’ Oliver Horowitz? Caddie, New York Times best selling list author, two handicap and first class Harvard man. And then me shortly after.
Caddie, seven hit a day blogger with dodgy golf swing and a dubious ‘Desmond’ from St Andrews!
ps new members to the R&A have to ‘kiss the captain’s balls’ at their inauguration dinner, during The Autumn Meeting.