The kilted caddie is unwell

Of course no one is going to believe this but I am incapacitated after playing cricket against a Falkland B team and having a 3 day allay in alcohol. There was a major highlight though in meeting some highly amusing Canadians while drinking Guinness in the Jigger beer garden, at the start of what turned into being an impromptu but major gastronomic tour. It included eating a fine fillet steak in The Old Course Hotel with a nice restaurateur chap, Wolfgang, from Cologne, two lovely plates of scallops in Kazoku the new Japanese restaurant in town, lobster and crayfish in the Seafood restaurant, chips in Ham’s Hame, a very poor Indian meal from Maisha, chilli con carne in The Criterion, fish pie and nachos in Drouthy Neebors and drinks en route in The New Inn, the Rule, The Dunvegan and Playfairs. And all culminating in a spot of tango dancing at a late hour in Aikmans, a couple of days later. Yes, one had to dance that all off.

The result of this is a severely ruptured calf, a pretty hellish hangover and a considerably depleted wallet. I’ll admit that I did win a couple of hundred on the Gee-gee’s but, unfortunately, gave a lot of people I met the heebee jeebees.

But what fun new pals from Toronto. They were on great form and celebrating after playing The Old Course.  One was a retired fireman who told me his ‘Calgary story’, which makes my past few days seem slightly uninteresting. They got a call from A&E one morning to ask if they could attend rather promptly with their tool box. Now this seemed a bit odd. So they stroll into A&E with their large tool box and a weeping woman is standing outside a pulled cubicle curtain. Inside her son is facing a serious problem because he has put a celtic ring around his private part, which has caused much swelling and I would surmise much pain. They try with many tools but cannot remove this rather awkwardly positioned celtic ring which is thick and made of iron. But our golfing fireman proved he was up to the job in the end. He strategically stood on a table above the patient for maximum leverage and applied heavy duty three foot long iron rail cutters, as his colleague prised open a critical gap with some sort of wedge.

Job done.

ps I won’t be playing cricket for a long, long time. That is one dangerous occupation too.


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