the kilted caddie is unwell

The combination of picking up a bar of soap at an awkward angle on Saturday morning followed by a two hour bus journey into Edinburgh, a cup of coffee in the Cameo and a pub crawl to the bus station starting in Bennets Bar, Tollcross, shortly after midday and ending with Sushi on the fourth floor of Harvey Nichols at 6pm, has brought an untimely demise in the well being of the kilted caddie, and a very big change in the odds of a divorce.

However, a wonderful pub crawl it was. Motivated partly by a very sore back, but also a nice ‘seven to one’ shot coming home by a short head in the 1250 at Navan.

Bennets Bar is still lovely and unchanged with an excellent pint of Guinness. Mind you, thereafter, the cosy log fire in Milnes Bar was equally inviting, on such a bitterly cold day, and a very fine Guinness too. I then hopped to the Abbotsford, which is a real favourite of mine and where the Guinness was still flowing freely. It was not going down quite so adroitly as in the famous 1994 Troops Dublin Rugby Weekend, but that was the stuff of legend.

I met a fun bunch of guys who’d been up at Crieff Hydro all night, on some work thing, and had bonded exceedingly well, let’s say. Everything was going, altogether, swimmingly. Also, I had a couple of pints with a rather interesting tall chap with a hat and red moustache. However he was being slightly abstemious, unlike moi. But we had a good chat before he left to rescue his wife from carol-singing. A noble act.

The coup d’etat though was the Cafe Royale, which was brimming with life and merriment. I had oysters at the bar and chatted to quite a few people of which I have little remembrance apart from a very nice chap from the R&A, who was disinclined to offer me up for immediate membership as far as I recall. He was from a lovely group from Kirkcaldy, who were down for the day too.

I then spoke to two rather nice couples who were equally good value and I’m sure I arranged to meet one chap in Val D’Isere this week, but can’t for the life of me remember which bar. Funny that. Probably Jacques or Bananas I reckon, as I think I would have been portraying sensibilities compatible with a Jacques Bar or Bananas type of mood.

However, there is as much chance of me flying down a piste in the Tarantaise at the moment as me going on the piste or indeed, England winning The Ashes.

Anyway I am presently on my back, in much pain and waiting for the 1.45 at Fontwell to punt off.

ps that was an Edinburgh Pub Crawl, by the way, that was hard to top. The only additions, given the destination of St Andrews Square, would be Cloisters after Bennets Bar and followed by Sandy Bells, then the Bow Bar on Victoria Street with the option of popping into Deacon Brodies, before heading down the Mound to Milnes.

That would be the kilted caddie’s tour of choice.

Taking bookings for next summer for individuals with stout constitutions. (sorry couldn’t resist that one!)

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