Today I have been lying in bed a lot and looking at podcasts about some people’s experiences. One was very poignant. It said yes you will sometimes wish that you can drink and even be envious of people that are drinking and can drink.
In the time I attended AA no-one ever said that and I wish they had. Because I was really feeling that and I was wondering about everyone else. And I think it put me off AA. I think it’s what is really meant by one day at a time. That there should be daily reminders of the fast forward possible disaster scenarios. And I will certainly be looking at myself in the mirror now everyday and give myself such a reminder.
This facet of the struggle strikes a real chord with me. Because as Samuel Johnson said that humans are so prone to forget. Addiction gats in the way of remembering fast forward and says it’s maybe ok which it isn’t.
And the acceptance of I can’t do it must override this always. There is no wiggle room as one person put it so well.
And with this now my awareness and my journey starts again.