I met Bart and Katharine and Geoff and Raylin for an Edinburgh tour last week in the foyer of the Virgin Hotel and we all struck it off somewhat from the start. They are on a tour of Scotland taking in the delights of the country and getting up to all sorts of stuff such as falconry, sheep herding (herding), my Old Toun tour and afternoon tea in an author’s house in Heriot Row (more of later).
Geoff was a big guy in Macy’s and Bart a dental surgeon, Katharine an emergency nurse and Raylin something in sweets. But what a charming and fun foursome. And it transpired that they were golfers too and were booked into the Old Course Hotel a few days later. So we arranged to hook up.
I had mentioned to Bart that I was having implant surgery in a couple of days and he was very interested indeed. He is big in implants, in fact massive. So I thought he would love to meet my incredible dentist, Amanda, and come to visit the Gentle Dental Practice in St Andrews. And he was more than enthusiastic, in fact I would see he was very, very keen. So I duly arranged a meeting, after hours, to meet Amanda, and Chris the owner. I think they must have googled Bart Silverman, as he is no average dental implant surgeon! Like Gentle Dental is no average dental practice.
Anyhow the slight issue was that they were playing on the Jubilee at 12 and it was going to be tight. Also I had a 4pm tee-time on the Old with 2 friends and I was committed to starting at least. So I had to just play the first three of the Old and then hoof it across the 18th of the New to meet them off the Jubilee, to jump into a taxi which I had phoned while hoofing it across the 18th of the New, to get up to Gentle Dental just in time. Such is an average day in the life of a tour guide.
The meeting was a massive success. Bart was fascinated to see the Gentle set-up and meet the also very impressive Amanda and Chris, albeit Amanda was slightly wrong footed when Bart suggested we should just do my op then and there! And I think he was serious too! This is a man after my own heart.
Anyway we then had a lovely dinner at Tailend and had many laughs. They regaled about their afternoon tea at the author’s house in Edinburgh which transpired to be the Robert Louis Stevenson house on Heriot Row, now owned by Johnnie and Felicitas McPhie. Interestingly I know them from way back through my connection with Donald Galbraith, with whom I set up Highlander Golf 20 years ago and who I played with on the golf team at St Andrews University. The halcyon days indeed.
Unfortunately though, Johnnie has apparently not upped his repertoire overly and continues to be excessively verbose and still verges on inducing likely and probable death through his awfully boring chat. I do remember listening to him for about half an hour once and it was most painful. Geoff kind of agreed and when I asked him how long it lasted he said ‘2 hours and 2 hours too long’. Enough said. Poor Johnnie, he just can’t read the room. But I suppose some people are just incredibly dull. And that is an awful affliction.
They were talking about the equally interesting character of Felicitas. One thing was that she addressed Johnnie (her hubby) as Mr McPhie which is really quite incredibly strange. And I really don’t know what to think about that. Apart from thinking that it wouldn’t happen in downtown Niddrie or MacMerry. And essentially that it’s an awfully strange way to address your betrothed, unless I suppose you are acting in some Edwardian period drama. But this is 2026.
Anyway Felicitas apart from calling Johnnie, Mr McPhie, told the party that she was taking in 4 festival shows that day and that she was a member of The Really Terrible Orchestra. And much to the surprise of everyone I exclaimed that I had once been a member of The Really Terrible Orchestra, 2nd strings violin !! Geoff at that point gave me quite an incredulous look. But it’s all true folks, even though I took the really terrible to really very terrible levels.
So as I said the tours are going swimmingly. I have picked up a few new clients this year and now do the Edinburgh Castle too. I must be doing something right.
I have been very lucky in this though and if I hadn’t met lovely Blue Badge guide Johnnie in the Fairmont that day or Martin on the number 11 bus going to play golf one morning in Edinburgh, then I really don’t think I would be in the extremely fortunate and privileged position I am in today.
Fare forward passengers.