A pretty hellish 48 hours full of utter angst and paranoia and feeling physically crap. It’s been hard going out to visit Yoriko’s mum and then go to visit her Dad in hospital.
It’s hard to believe that I thought a few drinks the other night was a good thing. That I didn’t see the trigger there. The likely eventuality, The probable chaos and mess and danger that lurked. But I was sucked in big time. I was elated at the thought of escaping for a few beers in the belief that I could do it. And this is the devil of it.
CBT is all about recognising these situations and the triggers, isolating them, and ideally dealing with them. And that’s a good tool I think. I did this last week when I talked myself out of going for a beer after I did a tour in Edinburgh. It took about a minute , a mental leap, a talk to myself. And I was proud of myself as I held it up and sidestepped a possible disaster. I need to really watch for these triggers, step back from stuff, fast forward situations. This is hugely important.
On a personal note I got the most beautiful message from a friend who had read my first blog on this. It was so heart rendering and so so kind and caring of him. Thank you Ben. You are a special human being and I am lucky to have a friend like you. Very.
Tomorrow we fly back from Japan. It’s been a very difficult few days indeed with all the issues with Yoriko’s dad and now her mum. It’s very sad.
Life can be hard. But I need to be strong now in so many ways. Like my amazing wife. She has an iron will.
I will give an update in a few days folks.